I was so exhausted this week. 70 hours work, walking around all day, just because I need to afford my year abroad expenses. To top it the universe punished me with a fine for forgetting to validate my ticket. I was hugged, kissed and comforted afterwards which was nice. Nonetheless, in such time I thought about the reason I have been working so hard, to be independent, to be able to be prioritized and not hurt. I met other bloggers who spend 80% of their salary on bags, which I would never do (or won`t be able to do so). I then thought about which advantages the people with safety net could have. Or maybe just the warmth of a home you can everytime come back to. It made me miss my safety net I had. Eventhough I feel very blessed to have the best friends anyone could wish for. There are something I miss so badly when I cannot sleep at 3 am like today.
I miss the family God created to be on your side no matter what. I miss the person who brought me my morning soy latte to bed. I miss the person who drove 7 hours every week just to see me and give me the flowers which make me smile until he came to hug me the next week. I miss being waken up in the middle of the night to drive somewhere to see the stars falling and being told “I love you”. I miss the person who shot a deer because it is my fave christmas dinner. Hell, I miss the person whose home I fell welcome in. I miss the people who were my prom dates and filled my table with their presence since my family was not able to. I miss the person who sang me “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone” before I went to work. I miss the person who flew in just to have dinner with me and hugged because I was unable to eat as someone died. I miss the person who told me I’m beautiful everyday as I was gaining weight because of my mourning. I miss the person who watched sex and the city with me so often, he knew the what happened in the next scene. I miss the person who take me on a plane to fly to an island just to watch the sunset. I miss the person who was smart enough to stand my weirdness. I miss the person who tickled my legs. I miss the person who could read my mind and told it to stop thinking. I miss the person who knew I am not only an emotionally unable piece of stone.
I guess I just miss the person who loved me complexly. The one who wanted to make me laugh. The one who kissed me until I forgot what is wrong with the world.
In return I might love him back. And you know what happens when a writer loves you.